Ever wonder if you’re “That Guy”? Here’s how to avoid it!

#1 Exotic Pet Owner Guy

Posted in "That Guy" by ftm6291 on April 4, 2008
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Ask any girl who is even remotely attractive if she would date a guy who has a 14ft Burmese Python in his living room and I can assure you that the answer will always be “no,” or some more extreme derivative like “FUCK NO!” Generally any variety of fauna that need be kept in a terrarium is what this guy considers a better companion than a dog, a cat, or even a parrot. At some point in this guy’s life, he decided that a gigantic glass box with some strange reptilian or amphibian creature would look “frekkin’ awesome” right next to the stereo system that used to be in his parents’ basement. More often than not, exotic pet owner guy has long hair, a goatee, and works at Guitar Center. I’m sorry to say that if you are this guy, there’s really no changing you. If you spend your Friday nights playing Iron Maiden guitar tablature with an iguana perched upon your shoulder, I’m sure you haven’t been on a date…EVER. What do you do if you’re friends with exotic pet owner guy? Tell him that “either his collection of Brazilian Tree Frogs goes or you do.” If he chooses you, there may actually be some hope of turning this guy around, but I’m pretty sure he would rather talk to his exotic pets all weekend than have any shot at creating a social life. Once exotic pet owner guy has no family or friends surrounding him, he usually becomes very reclusive and begins to question what he does for a living. Chances are, he’ll quit his job at Guitar Center and being selling his own hand-made snake skin products on eBay. NEVER buy any of these items, because the only thing worse than being exotic pet owner guy is being exotic animal skin clothes wearing guy.