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#4 Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy

Posted in "That Guy",Advice,Cars,Friends,Humor,Random by ftm6291 on April 7, 2008
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Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy is, in my opinion, the most annoying “that guy” that I’ve yet to post. We’ve all seen this guy on the road, usually late at night or very early in the morning. Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy is rarely seen during rush hour, however, as he does not have a job, and therefore does not have to be on the road while the productive sector of society is on their way to or from work. This guy’s car usually is an early 90’s Japanese or Korean import complete with cracked, oftentimes non-matching ground effects, poorly tinted windows, and a variety of decals on the windows and doors that say things such as “G-Reddy,” “Type-R,” and “NOS.” Every Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy’s car has an extremely loud “performance exhaust system” that he and his meth buddies usually rigged up themselves. However, it is important to note that this “performance exhaust system” rarely, if ever, actually enhances the performance of his POS, as it is merely a mechanism for him to draw as many people’s attention as possible as he’s weaving though traffic. Other stereotypical features on Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy’s car include a fire extinguisher mounted inside the car and positioned in a visually conspicuous place, multiple aftermarket gauges positioned near the steering wheel that are usually not connected to any functional part of the vehicle and serve no purpose other than aesthetics, and a very loud, yet inexpensive or stolen stereo system that he uses ONLY to listen to techno music. Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy enjoys making false claims of his status as a respected and feared street racer, however his vehicle is mechanically incapable of reaching a speed over 100mph. It must also be noted that the various decals and other paraphernalia he uses to decorate his POS are not actually a part of the car. For example, the NOS sticker positioned on his bumper or rear window is just that, a sticker, the car itself has no nitrous booster equipment in it whatsoever. There is very little likelihood we can eradicate Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy from our public streets, however there is hope that one day he will find some success as a meth/ecstasy dealer or a commission-only sales guy. Should this unlikely feat occur, Drives a POS and Doesn’t Know it Guy may actually earn the money and common sense to buy a quality automobile. But for now, I’m sorry to say that I don’t see that happening.    

#3 Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy

Ugghhhh, ughhhhhhhhhhhh, ten, ughhhh, eleven, UUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,TWELVE!!!! YES, YESSSS YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

These are the all too familiar sounds of Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy. Most of us go to the gym to try and stay in shape, drop a few pounds, or even get into bodybuilding. The truth is, I don’t care what the hell your workout goals are. I DO care, however, when Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy makes a spectacle of himself in the gym. Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy can come in many forms. Most often, he’ll be wearing either a muscle shirt, sleeveless t-shirt from a fraternity/sorority social, or no shirt at all. He’s usually either bench pressing, doing curls, or some outlandish attention-drawing upper body exercise. You will NEVER see Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy doing lower body or leg exercises. This is simply not in his nature. This guy strictly adheres to upper body exercises, as clearly evidenced by his massive, steroid-esque chest and biceps, yet scrawny, underdeveloped calves, and thighs. Why? Overly Loud When Lifting Weights Guy has no interest in developing the muscles below his waist because, just as his vocally intrusive antics in the gym, he believes that having huge pectorals is the best way to draw attention to himself. There’s noting wrong with being in good shape, be a fucking bodybuilder for all I care; just don’t be so damn loud you draw the attention of EVERYONE in the gym.